"The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's." – Mark Twain, Letter to W D Howells, 4/2/1899

Posts tagged “humour

RUFUS is now an Audiobook

Untitled 3 (16)After many late nights and a mountain of sound editing, RUFUS has joined my stable of AUDIOBOOKS — five in the collection now (Keeper Of Secrets, Trust, Slightly Spooky Stories, Dot Dot Dot… , and Rufus).

It’s true that it is a painful process, but it is also true that it is a lot of fun. I sometimes wish I had kept all the outtakes, just for the fun of it.

I record at night when it is quiet and my dogs think it is unusual that I get out of bed and go to the other side of the house into a room that does not get a lot of use. Naturally, they tag along to see what is happening. If you know dogs you will know that there is a bit of preening that goes on before they settle, so my recording has to wait while they scratch and lick and drink water. An added difficulty can be Zed’s perceived job, that of frightening away stray possums that walk across the deck. Needless to say, there are a few swear words mixed into the outtakes.

The whole process takes several weeks and there is a huge sigh of relief when the files are uploaded and approved for distribution.

RUFUS has now joined the recorded word family and I’m pleased that he is there.


Fetch, RUFUS at Amazon — paperback

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That’s right. RUFUS is now available as a paperback from Amazon’s US store (and their UK store and a bunch of others, but not the Australian store as yet).



Here To Help


The best thing about small humans — sticky fingers.

Sure, they are likely to poke you in the eye or pull on an ear, but it is a small price to pay.

Little humans think it’s funny. The big humans try to stop them, “Don’t let that dog lick your hand, it’s dirty.”

The cheek! My tongue is very clean and I am performing a service because little humans with sticky fingers get yelled at, “Why is this child allowed to wander around with sticky hands?” A good question and I have the solution — let me lick them.

I’m here to help — they just don’t seem to understand.


“I know what dead people look like. I worked for a summer at our local hospital. I told my mother that I was gaining experience for my future career as a writer. I’m not sure if she believed me, but she let me go. To be honest, my goal was spending money, boys and parties; and I succeeded on all fronts. Along the way, there were several dead bodies.
A dead body is a dead body, but some dead bodies cause more problems than others.”

Excerpt From: Terry R Barca. “Rufus.” iBooks.

Belting Through The Countryside


“Sir William met me at the front door and I’m not sure how he knew I had arrived, but I wasn’t thinking about it at the time. He suggested that I might want to freshen up before tea and I wasn’t sure if he was alluding to my appearance or just being polite.
He should try belting through the countryside in an open top Lagonda and see how fresh he looks.”

Excerpt From: Terry R Barca. “Rufus.” iBooks.




Pesky Wee creatures

“Seashore” Scottish Terrier pastel by Muriel Helen DawsonThey’re pesky wee creatures.

Every day, at about this time, I walk down to the beach. My mistress, the one who writes books, has a house not far from the shore. She likes to come down here when the weather is warm. “No bloody telephone, and no one dropping in unannounced. Absolute heaven.” I don’t much care where we stay as long as I can protect her. She doesn’t need protecting at this hour of the day. She is in her little shed writing mystery stories. She’s reasonably safe in there, so I have a bit of time where I can come down to the shore and take in all the aromas.

The seagulls can be a bit of a nuisance, but it’s this damn crab that really gets up my nose. It should be frightened of me, but no matter what I do it does not seem to care. It bit me on the nose the first time I encountered it. I keep my distance since then. I run at it and bark at it, but it just stands there waving its legs in the air. I get the feeling that it would be quite tasty, but how the hell do you get hold of it.

I’ve wasted enough time worrying about that crab. There are other spots that need checking, and then it will be time to go and check on my mistress. She has her tea in the middle of the morning, and if I am close by and particularly well-behaved, I usually get one of those human biscuits, so I don’t want this annoying crab to make me late for biscuits.

I Get To Go Along



The Best Part of my Day


The best part of my day begins when my mistress gets home from work.

Her train gets in about half past six and she is through the door about ten minutes later. I jump about a lot and she scratches my ears.

She picks up my lead and we head for the beach. Sometimes we just sit there and look out at the water. I wonder how I can catch one of those birds and she wonders about stuff that human females wonder about.

The next bit is fun also — fish and chips from the shop. I’m not allowed to have any ‘until they cool down’, which seems to take forever.

As it gets dark, we walk slowly home and I’m allowed to sniff anything I like, no matter how long it takes.

The Beautiful Lady and the Treat


She’s pretty, everyone says so. Pretty for a human that is.

It wouldn’t matter to me if she weren’t, I’d love her just the same, but it is fun to be proud of her, especially when we go walking. The other dogs notice and they sometimes give me a hard time, but I just ignore them — I know they are jealous.

I have to admit that the blue bow around my neck is a bit of a problem. I wear it because it makes her happy. I love making her happy.

I have been known to chew on the occasional shoe — when I get bored, but I know that the pair she is wearing are special and I’m not allowed to go near them. I content myself with her slipper when the urge to chew something gets awful.

I don’t care all that much about the treat she is holding — she thinks I do, but really I like her attention — I like being with her and doing stuff — even girly human stuff.

The lady who runs the beauty parlour likes dogs, so I get to wait inside the shop, which is better than being tied up outside, or having to sit in the car. Don’t get me wrong, I like cars. They take me to interesting places.

The best part of the day is sleeping time. Not the ones during the day. I like them too, but the best one is the nighttime one. My mistress takes off all her beautiful clothes and gets under the covers, and we snuggle up together. My job is to help to keep her warm because she does not have any fur under all those clothes. Well, she has a bit of fur, but only a tiny bit and it is not enough to keep the rest of her warm.

I’m waiting for the right moment to take the treat. The longer I stretch it out, the more time I have with her full attention.

I hope you have an excellent mistress to spend your life with. I would loan you mine, but I need her all for myself.